New Tech??

 My phone has been acting up for a while, I have an iPhone XR and when I got it there was already about 4-ish years (unless my memory is severely damaged) of use on it. For an iPhone 4 years might as well be ancient, Apple is on the iPhone 18 at this point I think?? I'm pretty much closing in on a 10 year old phone. Lately it's been randomly saying there was no SIM available and I've been needing to go in and pop it in and out a few times, which at first I thought was because of a fall but then it kept happening and it wasn't even a bad fall. I had switched to the HMD Barbie flip phone for about 7 months actually BUT the phone worked kind of slow in a way and felt overall clunky and not great to be using as my everyday phone, then there's the issue of things on modern phones that I kind of need. At work they'll have me pull my phone out to download things, scan QR codes, and open documents sometimes which I can't do as well/at all on that flip phone. I was looking around for something I could actually use without needing to keep a second device on me just in case my phone couldn't do the thing I need a phone for, I saw the Gia phone and I have hopes for it I would really love one.

A lot of phones made today that are made to be nostalgic still have the vibe of something more modern and minimalistic and often make a fully "dumb" phone that knocks off actual necessities. I said I wanted less social media, not have a harder time accessing my bank account unless I have a separate device or have everything all the way down to the camera being slow. I know some people may think "well why not just delete social media" because it feels useless to have and spend money on a SMART phone (that more or less looks like the same rectangle as all other phones with yet another camera added onto it and IN MY OPINION boring cases) if I'm only gonna be using the most basic of basic apps for the most part, why not have a cuter phone that gets the job done. The size is also important to me, I don't like big phones even my phone now feels too big and newer iPhones are even bigger than that, the latest one literally flips to about a mini tablet size (I'm not even gonna touch on the fact that Samsung and Huawei did it first AND better). This phone overall excites me and I really hope I'm able to make it my main phone, fingers crossed because I do really need a new phone.

More info if you're also interested in the phone: https://www.giaphone.com/

Seasonal Depression (ALREADY!?)

 The autumn has barely kicked off and I already feel like crap I don’t know what’s up. I laid in bed and slept on and off until I had to get up to work, cant focus, cant stay interested in anything no matter what I try to distract myself with, it’s all really annoying. My grandma keeps accusing me of being pregnant to the point where it feels like she wants me to be so she can have an excuse to kick me out (because that was also a whole thing before) so I'm saving money just in case she decides to look for another reason even though I still have no idea where I’d go. I wanna say I feel kinda like a bum for not moving out yet but I have tried looking for apartments both with and without a roommate, no luck unfortunately. I also really need to get my permit, it’ll probably make that process easier since the majority of cheap places I found were a little far for me to be taking the bus to and from work every day and I'd prefer to just keep my current job. The persistence of my sadness makes me angry because everything I try to do that’s apparently supposed to work just doesn't and doing nothing makes me feel worse. I'm just gonna keep forcing myself to do things I usually enjoy until I enjoy doing them again.

Autumn/Halloween ཐི ₍^.ˬˬ.^₎ ཋྀ

 My friend is having a Halloween party, I'm still not sure what I'm gonna be but I still have about 2 weeks and we aren't really trying to go all out with our costumes for the party we just don't wanna NOT dress up for Halloween. I tried looking for costumes a couple days ago at Spirit Halloween but the only things I found that I would actually want were all sold out in my size </3, hopefully I'll be able to try again and I'll be positive or whatever but I'm not really expecting to find a good costume that close to Halloween. Other than that I'm supposed to go over some time next week to carve pumpkins with her, I can't remember the last time I carved a pumpkin I'm so excited I love feeling festive. There's also a spooky market I'm supposed to go to with my boyfriend this weekend which is already exciting but it's also being hosted by a spooky themed coffee shop, that's also exciting to me I love trying coffee.

I bought The Outlast Trials on a Steam sale and I wasn't expecting to like it as much as I did, my hours are rapidly climbing up to a loser no life level. Before that I was playing Stardew Valley but since buying it my farm has remained there untouched. I was also expecting to wayy more afraid of it but I got over it pretty fast, especially since I went straight for the x-ray and stun rigs + keep the slippers equipped so I can pretty much neglect the broken glass for the most part. I need to get a new laptop to play on. Out of desperation to play games I'm 100% overworking my current one, it's a Dell business laptop from 2018 with like a massive battery that I should probably lay to rest. I need to save at least $500 and try to find the one I'm looking at on sale somewhere, I'm looking at a laptop that's around $2k BUT I originally saw it when it was knocked down to $1k which is way more doable for me. I'm thinking about waiting for the holiday time to see if it's back on sale around then.

Anyways, Happy Fall.

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New Piercings + Future Piercings

 I went and got spider bites finally, I had to wait a little bit because I had gotten 2 of my wisdom teeth out and went on vacation shortly after so I didn't want a swollen healing lip the whole time. I was clocked almost immediately by my piercer too he put the dots on my face and erased them saying "no I don't like that I know exactly the look you're envisioning, you're thinking of that nevershoutnever kid right?" oh, damn. uhh well yeah.

I currently have an eyebrow piercing, a dermal under my right eye, stretched ears (currently at a boring 11.5mm), and now obviously the spider bites. I plan on getting them on both sides (shark bites), and two up on my top lip (angel bites), and I'm still thinking about it but for the sake of balance I may get a vertical labret and/or septum as well. For my ears I'm not 100% sure what my goal is I just now I wanna hit at least 16-18mm and get 2 more lobe piercings to stretch. I've never really been interested in cartilage piercings but I feel like they would look nice so if I get all the piercings I want and still feel that itch then I guess I'll go for it. 

So far this is the only piercing I've had that has actually started bruising or looking noticeably swollen, it doesn't really hurt I'm just very aware that there's two bars sticking through my lip. It's kind of like that feeling when you do your nails and they're done already but you still feel like you have to be careful about everything you do.

I Got Too Excited Finding a New Anime 💔

 I've been watching Dungeon Meshi at a pace I feel is both fast and slow enough to not binge it since I have enough to watch in between everything, but it quickly became one of my favorite shows at the moment and I was so excited to find an anime that didn't include some kind of aspect that was kind of weird or straight up uncomfortable that I moved through it faster than I was hoping. I can't stand when an anime is about a bunch of high school girls in sexual situations, tiny innocent fragile princess angel baby x big strong dark alpha CEO dynamics, bum dudes writing self insert stories about themselves (+ especially if it's with a whole group of girls), or 1000 year old children that are "technically" old enough to sexualize. I think the last anime/manga I genuinely enjoyed was Tokyo Revengers in my sophomore year of high school and even then it's mainly since I was having such a hard time finding something to watch/read around that time, so when I finally "finished" it (I dropped it and just started reading updates + spoilers on twitter because I felt like the story was starting to drag on) I just gave up on looking for anything else.

Even as a kid it made me uncomfortable I just didn't know how to put it into words. I've always preferred things that steer away from the categories I just mentioned, that's not to say I haven't seen/enjoyed some things that can fall under those categories but they're not really high up on the list of things I like (unless we're counting nostalgia as a factor). Fairy Tail is guilty of the fanservice I just think there's enough actual plot to allow me to move past it, Free! is literally just half naked high school boys who ALL fueled my interest in yaoi at 11 years old but that's another conversation, Love Stage was my very first anime which technically could count as my first BL but I was too #woke (uninformed) to notice or care that they were gay. Not once did I go "they're both boys" I just saw the way they looked at each other and little devil horns sprouted from my head, gayness was so normal to me having multiple gay family members that I didn't register that there was even a difference until I got older and started noticing people going back and forth about how "disgusting" being gay was and was like "lol whats that" with a trio of lesbians right behind me. 

Back to Dungeon Meshi though, I'm nearing the end of the first season and I'm only now realizing that it is the ONLY season and the next one won't be coming out until October of next year </3. I can't think of anything about it that I don't like aside from Laios rubbing me slightly the wrong way when he talks about his sister sometimes, like when he was talking about her not adventuring with him anymore like a wife divorcing her husband for another man. I was sat there like "babe... that's your sister, I know you love her but there's no way you actually expect to be attached at the hip 24/7 and are talking about it like it was the worst day of your life". It gives me the same vibes as boy moms who don't want their fully grown sons to move out. Fear not though I AM aware that he has a messy relationship with his parents which is why it's not an "ick" for me, I only bring it up because their relationship with their parents isn't actually something they really get into early on I got that kind of spoiled for me except it wasn't a spoiler; Since it was the only thing rubbing me the wrong way I gave it the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was probably trauma related and just looked it up so it wouldn't keep bothering me. Anyways my search for more D&D feeling anime begins.

Alcoholic Drinks I Want To Try When I Turn 21

 1) Red Wine from Vampire Vineyards

https://vampire.com/

They just look cool I have no idea what wine actually tastes like, I would totally just keep them to look at. I have a feeling that'll be the case for a lot of drinks because the alcohol I have tried, I've never liked. Even already mixed drinks need a soda or something, I can't stand it but I buy desserts and candies that aren't actually that good, certain fast food meals, and non-alcoholic drinks based on how cool they look too so this won't be a massive change. The one I was looking at specifically was that set of 3: Vampire Cabernet Sauvignon, Vampire Pinot Noir, and Vampire California Merlot.

According to the website, this is the description of each wine:

• Vampire Cabernet Sauvignon - "Our Cabernet Sauvignon has enticing aromas of blackberry, ripe plum and mocha that lead into flavors of rich black currant and ripe black cherry. The wine finishes with hints of cocoa and oak spice."

• Vampire Pinot Noir - "Our Pinot Noir delights the palate with strawberry jam, pomegranate and black cherry flavors. This graceful wine is supported by hints of spice, smoke and violets on the finish."

• Vampire California Merlot - "WSWA Tasting Panel 5 Star Winner, our Merlot offers aromas of black cherry and black plum. This well-structured wine has an elegant texture and a long finish in the mouth, as hints of cola and cherry linger on the palate."

BONUS, they also sell vampire coffee

2) Absinthe

Again it just looks cool, that's the reason for 99% of this list BUT this one is mainly because there's interesting history behind it and the presentation/preparation of it looks kind of witchy. Absinthe was referred to as "the green fairy" during the 19th century due to people saying it looks like a fairy coming to life when water is added and the green drink turns cloudy. It is anise flavored combined with several different plants including Artemisia Absinthium, aka wormwood (where it's named is pulled from), and has a pretty high alcohol content, being between 90-148 proof (45-74% ABV). It was made illegal in 1912 due to the misconception that it caused "madness" and hallucinations but was legalized only in 2007 because it was finally found that people were just drunk as hell. Obviously there's more little bits and details I may be missing but there's plenty of resources that definitely know better than I do.

3) Mead (Honey Wine)

This one calls my attention since it's commonly sold at ren faires and I usually just have to miss out. Mead is interesting to me since it's on the older side, there's a bunch of different kinds, and different cultures seem to have their own versions of it. This can be said with a lot of other drinks but this one gets added attention due to it's age and presence in my interests. To put it simply, mead is fermented honey water, I like honey. Despite the look of it, it has an alcohol content that leans more similar to wine than beer. I HATEEE beer, the smell alone is hell on my senses so hopefully I enjoy this so I can pretend and feel included when I hang out with my beer drinking friends/family. As I said, there's different types which is something that interests me. they add fruit juices, herbs + spices, naple syrup, etc. I'm pretty sure you make some styles of mead, USING mead.

4) Tequila Rose Strawberry Cream Liqueur

While I don't actually like the idea of a creamy texture as a drink, this is another "I'd keep that bottle" kind of alcohol.

5) Dead Man's Fingers - Cream Liqueur

For the bottle(s).

6) Baileys

Surprisingly these don't seem horrible to me but I'm 99% sure it's only because of the flavor names and cute bottles. My top 5 based on what I've seen would be these (not really in any order).

I also saw that they make or used to make (non-alcoholic) coffee creamers and I would totally buy some to try with the vampire coffee.

7) Armida Zinfandel PoiZin - "The Wine to Die For"

As you can see, I'm really interested in wine, I can't actually explain why. Maybe it's just a coincidence because of how many interesting bottles I see that end up being wine.

8) Crown Royal

This is a whiskey I'm pretty sure, don't care about any of that. I don't even really care about the bottle but as a kid my mom used one of the purple bags to hold some of her jewelry and makeup and that's cute to me so I'm stealing that.

There's a ton more but if I keep adding things based on bottle alone the list is gonna get really long. Aside from drinks all I can really think if that I'd probably try are those chocolates with alcohol inside, the whipped creams, the ice cream/sorbet things, and the non-virgin versions of every drink I've ever had.

Obsession + Masters of the Universe (SPOILERS)

 I've been watching more movies lately since the theaters haven't been disappointing me as much lately and one of the more recent movies was Obsession.

 I'd had a lot of the plot spoiled for me already but I wanted to see it for myself since so many people were going on about how good it was. If you don't already know, it's about a guy named Bear making a wish for his crush (Nikki) to love him and she becomes unhealthily obsessed with him, neglecting her health, home, and life all together just to remain close to him. Bear realizes this and thinks "oh crap this was a huge mistake... but let me hit a few times just to be sure" and then lets it drag on until it spins out of control. One main thing no one prepared me for is that pretty much EVERYONE (except Nikki) sucks, people were making it seem like Bear was the only questionable person in the movie when there was both Ian and Sarah. There's no argument for Ian, he was the obligatory horror movie douchebag jock type, but I see a lottt of defense for Sarah because she liked bear first and "she didn't know about the one wish willow" yes, neither did Ian (until the end) and even HE still told bear "you said she was acting crazy and doing weird things but now you guys are acting all clingy and lovey dovey... it kinda seems like you're taking advantage of her bro idkkk" just for bear to snap at him. Sarah didn't deserve to die the way she did but to be friends with someone for what's implied to be a long time, know they're an independent and mostly normal person, is out of nowhere going out with the LAST guy you'd expect and is acting weird/clingy/hot tempered/self-harming around the same man who insists she's fine... and her main thought is "she's taking advantage of my man he deserves so much better.. let me text him at 3am while he's in bed with her saying I'll just come anyways if he doesn't come see me" and you all think she's still innocent and a good friend to Nikki??? I was almost too angry at everyone in Nikki's life to be sad for her but then the movie ended and it felt so bittersweet, it gave me the same feeling I had when I first finished Jennifer's Body, it was technically the most realistic outcome for the characters but you still feel bad for them because you kind of just hope the fictional characters could find a way to make it work. Bear's death was so annoying because HE KNEW she was gonna just snap out of it and he still took the pills and made the choice to go stand and die in Nikki's arms before the spell broke as if he wanted to make sure she felt the pain of losing him while she still "loved" him. He was horrible to her until the very end and to top it all off he never even got rejected, he was just too scared to tell the truth when she gave him the chance to say he liked her.

On a lighter note, Masters of the Universe was so fun to watch, it was emotional at times, it felt funny but not forced (like when a scene feels more like the scene is supposed to be funny but just isn't), I liked the cast, and something about the vibe of the movie just felt fresh. This one is about Adam having to leave his world with the power sword while the kingdom of Eternia is being attacked but he let's go of it inside the portal and it ends up lost for 15 years, which is bad because he needs the sword to get back home. Clearly he gets the sword back and goes home, the movie is about him reuniting with his family/friends, taking the kingdom back, and assembling the warriors. Things in the movie like characters saying what the audience is thinking like being frustrated and yelling "use the sword!!" or "the hell is he doing.." when Adam tries his HR strategies on Skeletor and his army, Adam in general being kind of an idiot "himbo" character, Skeletor in a gym + office outfit when he's trying to get in Adam's head were all fun to see. Loved the movie so much that halfway through I was already on the phone with my dad telling him to watch it too. The only things I would say about the movie that aren't even necessarily "cons" are: the lack of Cringer, Skeletor doesn't have his funny voice (and is played by Jared Leto), and Orko was my favorite but we don't see him until the very end where he implies another movie incoming which is partially why I don't count all of these as cons. I can get over the voice because this is a live action movie and it would be admittedly hardER to take Skeletor seriously, he already gets a chuckle out of me simply for being a buff body with a skull head. Overall I'd say it had the perfect balance of elements I enjoy in a movie and it's the most fun I've had watching a new movie in a long time, around 2.5 hours and I already want more.

Introversion

 Lately I've been really down for some reason about the fact that I never really go outside, it's never bothered me that much before but seeing as I work from home now rather than going outside at least once a day to go to school, it can feel really repetitive after a while. I know getting bored is natural it's not like I'm upset about it but what IS upsetting me is the fact that no matter where I go I still can't wait to get home no matter how much fun I'm having. At first I thought "well everyone must think this way" but then it started getting to the point where unless someone is inviting me somewhere or I need to go to the store then I can't even get excited enough about any place enough to actually leave my house and go there, then even when I do I don't end up staying long.  None of this would be a problem if it wasn't such a constant cycle. I'm most comfortable at home, I have fun at home, most of my hobbies are things I can do at home, but unfortunately I'm human and the lack of the sun + nature gets to me after a while. Sometimes I feel like I'm not built for the city but then I remember that I like everything to be walking distance on the off chances I DO wanna go out because I enjoy walking everywhere and a lot of the shops I like to go to likely don't exist in the quieter locations.

That being said, I AM still trying to get out more it's just on pause because I can't stand this heat. The crankiness hits the second I feel the hot air after opening the door and there's nothing I can do to relieve myself aside from walking around with an ice pack on my head. I'm gonna try to do some of the things I did as a kid in the fall since I haven't been super festive with the holidays for a while (which is is so extremely not like me), things like going to pumpkin patches, farms, going out of my way to try fall/Halloween themed food, decor, accessories, I've really been slacking. I don't take enough advantage of the fact that I have my own money to spend, I still spend it I just feel like my online shopping habit is taking some of the joy out of shopping since I don't have to wait as much for these things to become available but I can't help myself </3.